My name is Bernadette and I want to tell you about how God has changed my life almost 6 years ago. I was born in a loving Eastern European family 60 years ago. My childhood was very good in spite of lack of money and growing up in a communist country. My parents were God loving people, honest and kind. Yet I always felt a bit insecure inside and being the “baby” in the family always craved attention. I was also a bit envious of my 3 older siblings that they had more freedom to stay up late and have friends over and I had to go to bed. So I wanted to grow up fast.

When I had my first alcoholic drink at the age of 14 I thought I found the answer to that problem and to all my problems it seemed. It took away my shyness, all my insecurities and made me feel free.So I chased that feeling for many many years. It did not get me too much trouble at the beginning, but looking back I started to display very alcoholic tendencies from early on: restless, irritable, and discontented when I did not get alcohol when I wanted; when I drank I was over the top grandiose and careless.

After I got married and had my children I realised that I did not have many living skills and even though I wanted to be a good mother and wife I started to rely on alcohol regularly more and more and it became my crutch to ease the pain of just barely coping with my responsibilities at home. I started to get drunk on a regular basis much to my husband’s disappointment.

I prayed to God that I could control my drinking, but I did not know that I was suffering from alcoholism and one drink is too many and hundred is not enough for an alcoholic. To save my marriage and my sanity I looked up AA in the phonebook in 1990 and went for my first AA meeting. It was an eye opener.For the first time I saw that there are other people like me feeling the same way and I am not alone feeling so horrible about myself and they way drank.

I stayed for awhile but after a long time when I d not go to meetings regularly my head started to tell me lies, maybe it is not so bad, maybe I am not an alcoholic after all, so I started drinking again and for several years I felt that loving connection with God started to almost disappear. I had no self respect left. His mercy stepped into my life on the night of the 23 October,  2003.. My loving creator and saviour gave me the gift of desperation.

Sober again he took away strong cravings from that moment onwards, so I never needed to pick up a drink since, and I am coming up to my 6th AA birthday in a few weeks. This was by far the biggest miracle in my life! I asked God’s help and He came and rescued me in my darkest hour. Since then my life is blissful and my heart is grateful. He gave my self respect back and my family’s respect. What a complete and amazing blessing. Thank you Lord, thank you God!

Bernadette B
Sydney, Australia